I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
