I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
