Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
