the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
