My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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