All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
