I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
