I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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