clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
