Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
