I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
