well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
