i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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