I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
