Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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