how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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