I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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