oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
