ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
