just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
