i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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