I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
