I think scott just propositioned me for sex
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
