I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
