Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
