What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
