I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
