he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
