I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
