i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
