I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
