Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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