I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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