Quick, to the slutcave!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
