i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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