Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
