I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
BRING THE BAGELS
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
