so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
