Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
