she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
