I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
