i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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