That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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