Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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