I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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