oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
