People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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