What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
