I bet he comes in French.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
