24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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