On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
