dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
