I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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