Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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