My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
